i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I will pee on everything he values.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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