Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
