Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
