does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
