I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
