Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm passing your future prison.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
