So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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