My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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