you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
