My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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