im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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