Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize