Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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