What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
as a side note pls kill me
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