you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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