Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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