I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
