You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
