just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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