I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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