You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize