Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
