I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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