I cockslap morals
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
