is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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