So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
