Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
