it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
