Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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