Sry I called you an 8
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had sex on a roof
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
