you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
