He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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