sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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