It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
