Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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