i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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