Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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