There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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