I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize