Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
