Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
