you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
