we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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