bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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