i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
