then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
