well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
