he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
