Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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