I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
