Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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