I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love having hate sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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