that's an acceptable place to lick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
