I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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