Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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