so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
