I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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