Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
